I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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