It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
