it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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