i just had sex bonerless
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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