Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it penis luge time yet?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
