apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
