In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
