so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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