You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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