dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
