Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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