it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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