No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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