I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
