it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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