let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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