I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
