I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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