I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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