I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
