just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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