I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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