that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
