HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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