Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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