hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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