Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
