If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
