Are we in a gay sports bar?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
