I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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