just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
