I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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