just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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