Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
