I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
