I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
