is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
