Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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