He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
