just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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