He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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