you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize