Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
