He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
