you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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