if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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