Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize