why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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