no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
