How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Randomize
