The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm like, not good at living.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
