Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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