somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
