I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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