Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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