i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize