It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
