i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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