Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
