alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
