Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize