I think I won the penis lottery.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
