Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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