At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Come on in and take your pants off
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