How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
one two three fourrrrnication!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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