Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
