U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
