his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he's gonorrhea incarnate
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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