I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
