Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
