Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
