I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
