after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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