I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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