Pants 0. Shit 1.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize