so explain again why im purple
no
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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