Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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