so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
