All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
