she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
