please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
