Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
