do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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