For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
