The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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