We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
