Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
