I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
