dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
