I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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