Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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