i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Randomize
