Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
and she was petting her beer can
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
