I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
