do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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