After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
