First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
