I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
