I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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