There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
